Divorce with Dignity - Collaborative Divorce

“ Promotes Peace, Respect, Cooperation
Strives for Win – Win Results ”

Traditional divorce practice involves filing a lawsuit and encouraging couples to take opposite sides or positions and “fight” their way to a solution. Frequently a judge makes multiple rulings and the process becomes time consuming, expensive and stressful.

            Collaborative divorce is a new approach developed as an alternative.  It enables couples to hire individual attorneys as “settlement experts” to assist them to make reasoned, respectful decisions that consider and try to meet the needs of the entire family utilizing interest based negotiation.

            Research shows that divorce is one of life’s most stressful events.  It ranks close to the death of a child or close family member.  Stress, which may be caused by relocation, financial disruption or emotional consequences, adversely impacts the physical and emotional health of people involved.

            Children are often victims of the divorce process.  They are inevitably affected by the stress their parents experience.  Parents sometimes use their children in an effort to hurt or gain an advantage over the other.  They may suffer long lasting psychological effects, have problems with grades or behavior, or regress in their maturity level.  Angry parents often do not recognize how their attitudes and conduct are affecting their children.

            Collaborative divorce encourages cooperation and consideration of the true needs and interests of all members of the family.  The goal of Collaborative Divorce is to provide a way to separate, divorce and take care of related issues that reduces stress and time, is cost effective and gets the best results for the family as a whole.

            Collaborative divorce involves a few core principles:

            1.         No court.

            2.         Interest based negotiation, instead of position based.

            3.         Privacy and confidentiality.

            4.         Control (the parties make decisions not a judge).

            5.         Open, transparent communication and the exchange of information in

                        good faith.

            6.         Respectful communication.

            7.         Protection of children.

            When entering the collaborative divorce process, the husband and wife and their respective attorneys sign an agreement to resolve the case out of court.  If the process should fail, the attorneys and any other professional advisors or consultants involved in the collaborative process will not be required to appear in court in an adversarial matter.  The parties commit to make a true effort to make their own decisions through a series of 4-way meetings and resolve all issues with the assistance of their attorneys and other consultants.

            When expert input is needed, the parties retain the services of a neutral advisor to evaluate the situation and offer recommendations about possible solutions.  We seek such consultations when needed from financial advisors, business and property appraisers, and child development and custody experts to name a few.  When retained the consultant becomes a member of the team to assist in reaching an acceptable resolution for all.  In adversarial cases parties hire opposing experts and the cost and controversy is increased.

            The collaborative method provides that personal information is not placed in public files or discussed in publicly in open court.  Personal privacy is maintained within the collaborative team.  The parties can set their own time schedule and take time to fully explore options that may work best under their individual circumstances.  The parties make their own final decisions.  No one is ordered to accept a result mandated by a judge.

            All necessary information is freely and cooperatively exchanged.  In contrast, in court the exchange of information is often an expensive and time consuming process.

            All participants listen respectfully to the point of view of the others and respond in a respectful manner.  Communication and understanding are promoted.  A genuine effort is made to encourage resolutions that enable families to maintain civil relationships.  This is especially important when children are involved and both parents will continue to perform parenting responsibilities.

            Protection of the children is a priority in collaborative cases.  An effort is made to protect the children from the emotional stress, anger and too frequent financial deprivation associated with traditional, oppositional divorce.  Arrangements need to be made to protect their interests as early as possible.  Both parents are encouraged to participate in relevant decision making and provide for the security of the children.

            When it is necessary for a couple to separate or divorce the goal of collaborative professionals is to help the family reach a mutually agreeable divorce settlement.  Every effort is made to make the process a healing experience that maintains respectful relationships and protects the interests of all involved.

For more information see:  www.mcahoolaw.com; www.triadcollaborative.com; www.collaborativepractice.com

Marilyn Cahoon, Attorney

Collaborative Divorce and Mediation

100 South Elm Street, Suite 300

Greensboro, N.C. 27401

Telephone:  336-275-2888

Call to schedule time to view collaborative law DVD free of charge or for free copy of Collaborative brochure.

COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE

“A Better Way”

COST LESS · PROTECTS CHILDREN · NO COURT · BETTER RESULTS

LOWERS STRESS

            For years as a family law attorney (i.e. divorce lawyer) I have believed there had to be a better way for couples who have determined that divorce is necessary to resolve the issues involved in separation and divorce.

            First of all, let me assure you I do not advocate divorce.  In situations where clients are not sure what they need to do I recommend counseling and a real effort to investigate the possibility of staying together in an acceptable relationship.  If clients are willing, I encourage them to try working with a trusted and capable minister, psychologist, marriage counselor or other qualified professional.  However, if such efforts have been exhausted or the parties are not interest in pursuing such options, separation and divorce are often inevitable.

            Traditionally, the process used to address and resolve those issues has been to litigate, file an action and go to court for a judge to decide.  Unfortunately the traditional approach often serves to polarize couples and intensify anger and hostility so that the parties are no longer able to think rationally or communicate reasonably.  Papers are filed and served in court making accusations and bringing up personal and embarrassing details of the couples’ private lives.  The exchange of these papers creates deeper hostility and wider divisions within the framework of the family and frequently results in prolonged, expensive, time consuming litigation which is extremely stressful to both parties and may be permanently damaging to children.

            When a couple is committed to pursuing divorce or separation they usually have numerous issues to resolve including making appropriate provisions for their children, distributing their property and addressing the cash flow and support requirements of each household.

            My goal in every case is to assist my client to resolve those issues as satisfactorily as possible.

            For too many years the litigation model has been the accepted, traditional route to resolving divorce and separation issues.  I have often thought, “there has to be a better way.”  Recently I have learned that there is – Collaborative Divorce.

“What is Collaborative Divorce”

            Collaborative Divorce is a new way of approaching and resolving the issues related to separation and divorce which was developed in the early 1990s by Stu Webb, an experienced family law attorney who had witnessed and been forced to participate in so many negative and destructive litigation cases that he was ready to leave the practice of family law altogether.  At that point he realized that what separating families need is to hire settlement specialists, not trial specialists.  The collaborative process was born and has developed from there.

            When engaging in this process, each party hires a collaborative attorney to advocate for his or her interest without being adversarial.  The parties, with their attorneys, hold regular four way meetings to discuss the marital issues and ways to resolve them.  All parties focus on the needs of the children and set ground rules to protect them from emotional and financial stress while working toward a resolution.  Everyone is committed to listen respectfully to the concerns and goals of the other party.  Through this process similarities and differences are identified.  Options for meeting each person’s goals are identified, listed and considered.  Often solutions surface when open discussions are held.  Necessary records and documents are voluntarily produced by the parties in good faith.  This often saves hundreds or thousands of dollars and months or years of time required to get records in a traditional litigation case.

            If there are questions about the best arrangement for children, the value of property or the most efficient way to resolve financial issues, we may want to involve consultants to act in a neutral capacity to review circumstances related to a particular case.  A child psychologist or child development specialist may be consulted to get reasoned, neutral recommendations about the best plan for the children.  Parties may need to get neutral advice about how best to take care of marital debt or talk with a financial advisor to review financial assets and discuss how to maximize the use of resources to benefit each party and for the family as a whole.  Advisors can and do provide a great resource where expertise in a certain area is needed.  In the collaborative process, the parties hire one agreed upon neutral advisor.  The consultant seeks to acknowledge the concerns of both parties and provide neutral recommendations to best address the particular concern involved.  Time involved is minimized and the cost is vastly reduced.

            In a traditional litigation case, if experts are needed, each party hires his or her own expert.  This immediately doubles the cost.  The expert’s opinions may be biased by the view of the person who hired them and provided the information they are given to work with.  The opinions of the experts often differ significantly.  The parties take different positions and ultimately each lawyer has to prepare for trial and a judge has to decide.  Costs escalate, stress increases, time is consumed.

            The collaborative process requires that each party communicate in a civil and respectful manner within the structure of the regular four (4) way meetings.  Each party has an attorney to advocate for their interests.  Each party is given a regular forum to express all of their concerns, goals, and suggested solutions.  All records, documents and information are exchanged voluntarily, in good faith and in a timely manner.  Attorneys are bound and committed to assure that their clients comply with these principals.  Clients maintain control over the results of the process.  Results are more client centered and acceptable.  Children are protected and benefit immensely.

            If you are thinking about divorce, involved in a divorce or separation, or know someone else who is, contact a collaborative lawyer and find out about the advantages of participating in the collaborative method of resolving these cases.

Marilyn Cahoon, Attorney
Collaborative Divorce and Mediation
100 South Elm Street, Suite 300
Greensboro, N.C. 27401
Telephone:  336-275-2888
http://www.cahoonlaw.com
 

Call to schedule time to view collaborative law DVD free of charge or for free copy of Collaborative brochure.

For more information see:  www.cahoonlaw.com; www.triadcollaborative.com; www.collaborativepractice.com

COLLABORATIVE FAMILY LAW – AN ALTERNATIVE TO COURT

PROTECTS CHILDREN, LOWERS STRESS, SAVES MONEY

            Collaborative divorce is a method of resolving divorce cases through a dignified process without going to court.

            The issues couples face in the divorce process include making arrangements for children, distributing property and debt and maintaining adequate cash flow in each household.  While this article focuses on co-parenting children, the same process applies to property and cash flow issues.

            The Collaborative Family Law Method (Collaborative Divorce) was developed by Stuart G. Webb in 1990 when he became so disgusted with the negative, adversarial system that he decided to quit practicing family law.  At that point he began experimenting with a different approach which became Collaborative Divorce.

            There are numerous benefits to the Collaborative process, including:

·         Protecting children from the controversy.

·         Allowing the parties greater control over the outcome.

·         Cost efficiency.

·         Reducing stress and time.

·         Non adversarial with emphasis on maintaining the integrity of the parties and the ability of each to respect and communicate with the other.

            Research has shown that how couples conduct themselves during and after a divorce has far greater impact on the children than the fact of the divorce itself.  In the Collaborative divorce process, the parties and their attorneys address resolving each issue, including co-parenting and providing for the needs of the children from an interest-based point of view.  Through a series of four-way meetings, the parties and their attorneys identify that interests and concerns of each parent and explore various options for addressing core concerns.  Emphasis is on identifying the needs of each party and identifying acceptable methods of meeting those needs rather than on fault, anger and revenge.

            When children are involved it is particularly important for parents who are divorcing to maintain a civil and respectful relationship and be sensitive to the concerns of the children.  Children love and have emotional ties to both parents.  When exposed to anger, resentment and demands or expectations on the part of either or both parents to reject and take sides against the other the children suffer many repercussions.  Their own self-esteem is damaged.  Often their grades fall, behavior regresses, or behavior problems surface.  They may loose confidence in themselves and respect for both parents.  The results may be long lasting and affect their outlook and social skills into adulthood.

            Couples using the Collaborative divorce process are in the unique position of working toward solutions in an environment based on respect, cooperation and good faith to maximize the utilization of the resources available.  If they reach an impasse regarding an issue involving the children the use of a team may be implemented.  The parties may be referred to a neutral consultant knowledgeable about child development or child psychology.  The consultant can take an unbiased look at the child and the overall situation and offer recommendations regarding what solutions that will result in the best outcome for the child.

            Quite often each party enters negotiation with a set idea regarding how a parenting decision should be made.  All too often the parties’ conclusions are poles apart.  When the parties and their attorneys listen to the views of both sides with respect, consider the motivations and concerns, and openly discuss all reasonable options, more often than not, an acceptable solution can be found.

            With the high rate of divorce prevalent in American society today the courts are overburdened with divorce, custody, and property distribution cases.  The adversarial process is lengthy, negative, stressful and expensive.  Cases frequently drag on for three to ten years.  Costs escalate, often reaching tens of thousands of dollars.  Even more devastating is the toll the process takes on the children when resentments and anger become entrenched.  Respect and civility are often lost.  Children are surrounded by ongoing tension and negative painful emotions with devastating consequences.

            The Collaborative divorce process takes less time, is far more cost efficient, actively focuses on protecting the children and preserving respect and civility between the divorcing spouses.  The end the results crafted by the parties are more acceptable.  Each person involved completes the process more intact and capable of moving forward with a positive outlook.

            If you are contemplating divorce or know others who may be, consider investigating the advantages of the collaborative approach.

Marilyn Cahoon, Attorney
Collaborative Divorce, Mediation
100 S Elm St Ste 300
Greensboro, NC 27401
Telephone:  336-275-2888
http://www.cahoonlaw.com
*Collaborative Law video available for viewing free of charge.